Whenever you get into a situation where you need help with something, whether it be losing weight, building muscle, finding a partner, starting a business, or advancing your career, it's only natural to seek out advice from peers who are already successful at what you're looking to do. However, just because someone's good at something doesn't necessarily mean he/she will be able to give you good advice. This article will explore why and how you can tell. You will find that there are two types of people that will try to show you how to do something. It doesn't really matter what the topic is, because this can apply to anything.
Those that are good at it, will generally fall into two subcategories:
Below are three "fictional" stories of people who would fit into one or the other of these two sub-categories. See if you can figure out which ones are which: Before I get to the stories, I just wanted to say that while not exactly true to life accounts, they are loosely based on either my own past experiences or those of others I've known. The point of these stories is only to realistically illustrate the idea proposed in this article, and not to endorse the actions of their characters. Example #1: Rob and Paul Rob is muscular and lean. He has the build of an NFL running back, and has a six pack under good lighting. One afternoon, he's shooting some hoops at his college gym with his skinny friend Paul. The basketball hoops are next to the weight room, so after a quick one-on-one game, Paul suggests that they go over there and lift some weights. "So how much do you bench, Rob?" asks Paul. "Don't know. I only tried it a few times with some light weight. I don't really go to the weight room too much. I'm more into basketball." replies Rob. "Let's find out" says Paul. Paul goes first. After his warm up, he unracks a 155 lb (70 kilo) bar and proceeds to do 3 sets of 5 reps. On the final rep of his last set, Paul stalls halfway. Rob, who is spotting him, helps him lift it up and re-rack the weight. "Darn it! I missed that last rep" says Paul. "I've been stuck on this weight for three weeks now." "Let me try it" says Rob as he lays down on the bench. "Wait, you're supposed to warm up first..." Paul tries to tell Rob. It's too late though. Rob is already benching, and he finishes ten reps with ease. "That felt good. Let me put some more on" goes Rob. Rob puts more weights on, and this time is benching 225 lbs (100 kilos). Paul stares in amazement as Rob performs ten more reps. "I don't believe this," thinks Paul. "I've been busting my rear end in the gym for five years now, and this guy comes along, who doesn't even work out, and outbenches me like that!" "I think this weightlifting thing is alright!" says Rob. "I might start doing this more often now. I'm hungry though." "Where do you want to eat?" asks Paul. "Let's go to McDonald's. I haven't been there in a few days now" replies Rob. Paul, who only eats healthy, looks at him incredulously. A few months later, Rob is working out more regularly and catches one of his other skinny friends, Pete, who comes up to talk to him. "Hey, Rob" says Pete. "How can I get my chest big like yours?" "Try the Pec Deck machine. It's all you need. I use it every chest day. Gives me a nice burn" answers Rob. Example #2: Roger and Manny Roger and Manny are hanging out at a bar after work with a few other friends for happy hour. Roger is an assistant bank branch manager in his late 20's. He has lush black hair, a decent looking face, and a relatively muscular build. Although he doesn't have a six pack, he doesn't have a gut either. So while he's not quite attractive enough to be a male model, he's better looking than the average Joe his age. He has a charming and outgoing personality, and is well liked by his coworkers, especially the ladies, who enjoy stopping by and chatting him up during work. Manny used to work at the same branch as Roger, but was transferred a few months ago. Unlike Roger, Manny is average looking at best and has a bit of a belly. His hairline is also receding a little bit. Manny is not as outgoing either. That’s not to say that he completely keeps to himself; he’s just not as gregarious as Roger. He also lacks Roger’s charm. Often times Manny would watch as one of the ladies passed by his desk to go and talk to Roger about something non-work related. Whenever Manny ended up talking to his female coworkers, it was usually he who initiated the conversations (unlike with Roger). The ladies were always polite to Manny though, but you could tell something was missing if you watched one their conversations and compared it to one with Roger. Something was just missing that you couldn’t quite put your finger on. Back at the bar... After catching up with Manny for a little bit, Roger noticed a girl making eye contact with him and went over to talk to her. Manny watched as they appeared to have a good time in conversation. About half an hour later, Roger tells Manny and the other friends that he’ll catch them later as he leaves the bar with the girl. A few days later, Manny and Roger go out for drinks again. “Where’d you go with that girl?” asks Manny. “Oh, we took a cab over to her place where [***this is a family site***]” says Roger. “She wasn’t all that, but I haven’t had any for a few weeks before that night.” Manny is impressed and asks Roger to help him with his “game”. Roger agrees and asks Manny if he sees any girls he’s interested in.
After a few minutes of making excuses (and another drink), Manny finally musters up the courage to go over and talk to the girl in the green shirt. “Hi, I’m Manny,” he says in a slightly nervous voice. “Hi,” she replies looking slightly startled.
[awkward pause]
[another awkward pause]
After a few more rounds of this, Manny runs out of things to ask and there is another awkward pause. This one is the longest. “Anyway, nice talking to you, but I gotta go,” says the girl. Manny returns back to Roger (the conversation with the girl lasted maybe two minutes) and Roger asks him how it went. “Not too well,” says Manny. “Oh well, at least you tried. Keep at it and you’ll get it right eventually” replies Roger. Example #3: Annie and Larry Annie is a junior tax analyst at a Fortune 500 company. She's been working at the company for approximately four years. Originally starting as a summer intern while she was in business school, Annie performed well and was given a full time offer upon graduation. She's been in the same unit since, and is ready to take a new step in her career. One afternoon, when work is slow, Annie searches for internal job openings on her company's intranet site. She sees an opening for an analyst position in the Treasury department. After reading the description, she submits her resume. Two weeks later she is scheduled for an interview. She lets her friend and colleague Larry know and asks him for advice on how to prepare. Her colleague, Larry, is the senior tax analyst in her unit, and is also the assistant manager. He's been with the company for eight years, where he's worked for two other departments before joining the Tax office two years ago. Prior to this, Larry was an accounting clerk at another company for four years while he got his MBA at night.
From the three examples, who were the people who were naturally good at something? And who were the people who learned to be good at something? Who was the most helpful in his advice? Was it Rob from the first example, Roger from second, or Larry from the third? The problem with learning from people who are naturally good at something is that a lot of times:
On rare occasions you do find a natural who's helpful. But I haven't come across too many in my experience. On the other hand, someone who was bad at something and learned to be good at it should know exactly what it was that got them over the hump. I would seek advice from these people for that reason. Bottom line is, they know what they're talking about more often than not, and can fill you in on the important details (like Larry from the third example). That's not to say that you can't learn anything from naturals. While I would take what they say with a grain of salt, there is a wealth of information you can learn by watching them (as opposed to listening to them). But that's only if you know what to look for... In the second example, listening to Roger's "just be yourself" speech was a waste of time for Manny. However, by watching him (his body language, voice tone, personality, confidence, conversational content, etc.), Manny could have learned something. In short, I would observe naturals, and listen to those who had to learn to be good. And of course, you can also learn from people who are bad at something... by learning what not to do! Thank you and God bless. Image credits
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